Men Have Called Her Crazy: A Memoir

It jumped all over way too much. Was sort of disappointed with both her and her therapists. I also believe she did manipulate her male therapists.

I didn’t know Tendler once had a celebrity husband until after I read her book. While some complained that this portion of her life should have been included in the memoir, I appreciated the book more because it never resorted to the salacious tell-all trope. Instead, the book stands well on its own merit as a vivid and vulnerable mental health story. It’s a thoughtful, well-written autobiography of a young woman struggling and overwhelmed. Her therapist recommends in-patient treatment when anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and cutting threaten her life. Tendler voluntarily checks into a psychiatric hospital for a week-long evaluation. She genuinely wants help, and through Dialectical Behavior Therapy and other treatment modalities, she moves toward healing and recovery. Armed with coping strategies and insights she gleaned from the clinicians on staff, she leaves the facility as a stronger and more emotionally resilient person.The book works because of Tendler’s honesty and openness to sharing her experiences. When she meets others at the facility with similar mental health challenges, we see how these seemingly small interactions serve as a comforting balm during a fragile time in all of their lives. We see the true value of connection when we are at our lowest point.Another important aspect of the book is that it illustrates that deteriorating mental health is not always precipitated by a huge calamity, but rather, is often a steady accumulation of unremitting stressors that can truly test a person’s resolve. Tendler was wrestling with a troubled childhood, sporadic employment, identity issues and complicated relationships. Where some have criticized her generalized anger toward men, I would argue that her stance regarding the pervasiveness of misogyny in society is understandable. Life is often difficult, and the life of a woman is made even more intractable by the the unique gender struggles that we often face. Clearly, not all men are misogynistic, but the inequities of a patriarchal society do exist.Finally, Tendler wisely does not suggest that a short stay at a treatment facility was the panacea to forever banish her psychological concerns. Rather, she recognizes that she can mitigate her suffering with the new tools and strategies that she learned while she was under the care of her physicians. I also found it fascinating that she had an unusual and disturbing encounter with a therapist that she had once sought help from for many years. While initially compassionate and professional, this particular clinician displayed odd, inappropriate and antagonistic outbursts directed at Tendler during her treatment evaluation phase at the psychiatric hospital. Other clinicians also witnessed the therapist’s strange behavior while she was participated in the conference, but inexplicably, no one acted on it, other than to recommend to Tendler privately, that she immediately cease further treatment from this particular therapist. I envisioned the potential damage that this erratic clinician could inflict on other patients if she was never held accountable, and wondered if further measures were ever taken.Tendler’s book was a good read. She’s an intelligent introvert, who recognizes that personal growth and wisdom are achieved if one is willing to do the hard work required.Petunia was also a welcome and lighthearted addition to the tale. I enjoyed hearing about her quirky demeanor, stealth antics and unwavering loyalty. Dogs truly are the best.

Tender examines her younger years and her current life post impatient. The memoir is not juicy or a tell all but an introspective journey as the very flawed author grows.

I say this book is comforting, even though the things she's been through are decidedly not. The honesty and tone of narration of the author made it as if she's your friend. There is no pretense and no lecturing, just observation, story telling and vulnerability. She made it simple, like painting a portrait of herself with whatever she could observe in the moment. I feel like I know her already.

I am an avid bibliophile. I own hundreds of books and tend to steer more toward the classics than modern era writings. However, this book is the exception. Anna Marie Tendler has written something so powerful that I doubt she knows quite how strongly many women will resonate with this book. Many of her relationships and experiences are identifiable in many women’s lives. The abuse of past relationships, the effect those experiences have on the human mind, and the mental health that is eventually exhausted by the perpetual fear of rejection and pain is so beautifully illustrated in this book. I truly hope she writes another because she’s got a talent that makes her voice ambient and relatable.